her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
