So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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