he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize