Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude i'm inner monologue high
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
