he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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