she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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