i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We're facebook friends in real life
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
