so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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