Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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