dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
