The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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