u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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