I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
His hands were made for my vagina.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
