can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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