yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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