Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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