fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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