I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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