just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
