so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
