He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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