If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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