we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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