You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
