She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
