he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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