She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
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I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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