How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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