; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
