I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Four minutes until I can fart!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
