That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
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I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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