Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
