There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
