he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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