he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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