whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
