I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
