So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
