So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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