I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
