She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
