Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
