love makes seman taste better
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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