There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize