dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
