some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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