oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
