I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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