bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
