I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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