Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the day after is always just damage control
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
