a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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