I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think i got beer on your cat.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
