So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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