so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
