i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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