I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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