no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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