My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
