Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
