the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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