Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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