Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
