apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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