In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
