just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
