Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
dude. I can hear the air.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
