Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
