So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
