Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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